


Till Death Do Us Part

by orphan_account



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Bellamy Has Feelings, Bellamy doesn't know what to do with his, Best Friends, Clarke is afraid of her feeings, Comfort/Angst, Comforting Bellamy, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Jealous Clarke, Monty and Jasper call Bellamy and Clarke Mom and Dad, Mutual Pining, Probably going to be a few chapters, Raven and Octavia and Clarke are BFFs, Sleepovers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-28
Updated: 2016-03-29
Packaged: 2018-05-29 18:29:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,823
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6387838
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Clarke would love him, if she let herself. She would love him for the rest of her life, but that doesn’t mean she can. </p><p>No, four funerals, four eulogy speeches, four caskets, and four tombstones told her that no, she could never let herself love Bellamy. It would be signing his death warrant. </p><p>That’s what happened to the people that Clarke loved. They died.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Two Bamboo Stalks

 

_03-09-2008 – J_

_10-25-2012- W_

_07-12-2013- F_

_09-03-2013- L_

Clarke sighed, eyes skimming over the black ink imprinted on the skin of her ribcage. It was some twisted ritual of hers, to look at the dark letters and numbers in the mirror, and pretend like seeing them didn’t still make her throat close up and her eyes sting.

The buzzing of her phone pulled her out of her thoughts, out of her memories. Pulling her shirt over her head, she turned away from the mirror with another sigh.

 **BelLAMEy:** Mint chocolate chip or Rocky Road?

She smiled, fingers tapping a reply when her phone buzzed again.

 **BelLAMEy:** Never mind, I got both. Be there in ten.

Sending him a flurry of excited emojis, she carefully and quietly padded out of her bedroom into the kitchen. Her roommates had left an hour before, but that didn’t stop her from calling out, “Monty? Jasper? You guys home?”

With only silence as her answer, she exhaled a sigh of relief. She loved her roommates, but what she didn’t love was how every time Bellamy came over, they were constantly winking at her when he wasn’t looking, not-so-subtly making pointed comments about how Bellamy and Clarke were both single and coincidently, perfect for each other, and calling them “Mom and Dad” at every possible opportunity. Thankfully, there were both spending the weekend at an indie video game developer’s convention, which meant Bellamy and Clarke could finally have some peace and quiet. Clarke was ecstatic to having a weekend with her best friend alone without constantly being barraged by thoughts and hopes she couldn’t afford to have.

Clarke queued up an episode of LOST (to say Bellamy was obsessed with it was an understatement) and microwaved popcorn. She was shamelessly shoving an entire handful of popcorn into her mouth when there was a knock at the door. She jumped, mentally cursed, and aggressively tried to swallow the rest of the popcorn before swinging the door open.

Leaning against the door, a grocery bag in one hand and a bamboo plant in the other, stood Bellamy. He seemed…shy, sheepish almost, and Clarke bit back a smile at the blush coloring his freckled cheeks.

“So, uh, this is a bamboo plant.” He explained, handing it to her. Rubbing the back of his neck with his free hand, he added, “I know the past couple of months have been rough for you, and I don’t know—I just—I saw it and thought of you. The lady at the shop told me the two stalks are supposed to double your luck and I know you probably don’t believe that—”

“Bellamy.”

“—but back in college when I was working on my thesis, O bought me one of these and I know it seems stupid but—”

“ _Bellamy._ ” Clarke reached out and grabbed his forearm so he would stop rambling. She couldn’t hide her grin as she looked at the plant in her hands. “I love it.”

He bit his lip. “Really?”

She rolled her eyes, grabbing him by his jacket and pulling him inside the apartment. “Of course I do, idiot. Come on, the ice cream’s going to melt.”

“Is not.” He muttered petulantly. “So what are we watching tonight?”

“As if you don’t already know.” She scoffed, carefully placing the bamboo plant on the shelf of the kitchen window, next to the Pachira plant her mother had bought her a few years back. It fit there, the two stalks strong and unyielding.

When she turned back around, Bellamy was already comfortably settling into the couch, his legs spread across the length of it. Clarke rolled her eyes fondly, picking up his feet and plopping down, placing them in her lap.

He threw a piece of popcorn at her hair. “You doin’ okay?” He asked, voice soft.

With anyone else, everyone else but him, she would have said, _Yeah, fine._ But this was Bellamy. The person who had gone from being ‘Octavia’s annoying, douchebag brother’ to ‘I need him. He’s my best friend in the entire world and I would do anything for him.’

The four lines of ink on her ribcage itched under her shirt. She swallowed, tears stinging her eyes. “I’m—uh—the past couple of days have been rough, to be honest. It’ll be ten years tomorrow, and I just—I mean, _ten years_ , you know?”

He didn’t say anything, just moved his feet off of her lap and scooted beside her. Putting an arm around her shoulders, he sighed, “When it was the ten-year mark for my mom, it was just—it was _surreal_. I just kept thinking, she’s missed an entire decade of our lives. Ten years of struggles, of memories, of good and bad experiences. O and I spent the entire day looking through old pictures and remembering her.”

Clarke snuggled into his chest, listening to the steady, even sound of his heartbeat. “Did it help?”

“Sort of.” He combed through her hair gently. “Clarke, you don’t have to do this alone. If you want me to be with you tomorrow, I’ll stay.”

“I know.” She breathed, closing her eyes. “Thanks, Bellamy.”

* * *

 

When she opened her eyes, they were tangled together, which didn’t surprise her. His arms around her waist protectively, their legs entwined. Her throat felt tight. They were getting closer and closer, the line between ‘just friends’ and ‘something more’ blurring with each passing day.

Clarke would love him, if she let herself. She would love him for the rest of her life, but that doesn’t mean she can.

No, four funerals, four eulogy speeches, four caskets, and four tombstones told her that no, she could never let herself love Bellamy. It would be signing his death warrant.

That’s what happened to the people that Clarke loved. They died.

First, her father, killed in a freak-accident at his work (Clarke still believed the explosion was planned, based on a video message he left before his death, threatening to expose the company for its unethical policies).

Second, her best friend since birth, Wells. Murdered by a little girl who blamed him for the death of her parents. He had been an EMT, unable to save her parents after their car ran off the road and into the river just outside of the city. The girl, Charlotte, had been tried as an adult. As far as Clarke knew, she committed suicide three weeks into her sentence.

Third, Finn Collins. Finn, the peace-loving, ex-soldier who Clarke thought she didn’t deserve to be dating, until she found out he had a fiancée waiting for him overseas. A few months after their breakup, he had a bad bout of PTSD at a grocery store. The cops were called, and they shot him as soon as Finn’s gun pointed towards a family of four. Raven and her had held each other during the funeral, promising each other that they would always be there for each other, no matter what.

Fourth, Lexa. Lexa, the seemingly cold, jaded girl she met during her study abroad in Brazil. They had bonded over being presidents of their sororities, complaining about their responsibilities and continually pushing each other to see things differently and be better. They ended up rooming together, learning more about each other than they learned about Brazil. The day before the semester ended, they went to a café to talk about what the future held for their relationship. A fight broke out in the street next to the café, and a stray bullet found its way into Lexa’s stomach. Clarke held her while she died.

It was simple, really. The people Clarke loved, died.

As Bellamy tightened his hold around her waist, she traced circles on his chest. She wouldn’t let Bellamy become another line inked on her ribcage. She couldn’t.

She let herself lay in his arms for another ten minutes before gently extricating herself from him. He mumbled something incoherent, eyebrows furrowed in a way that made Clarke’s heart twist in her chest. Without letting herself think twice, she bent down and kissed his freckle-dusted cheek before covering him with a blanket.

She couldn’t love Bellamy Blake, but she was pretty sure she did anyways.


	2. Chapter 2

“You guys need to stop.” Raven declared to her one day, tossing another dress in her face. They were shopping for bridesmaid dresses for Octavia’s wedding.

“Stop what?” Clarke grumbled, fighting with the zipper. “Will you help me?”

Raven’s deft fingers undid the zipper cleanly. “You and Bellamy need to stop pretending that you’re both not completely in love with each other.”

Clarke huffed. “For the last time, we are not in love with each other.”

Cocking an eyebrow, Raven shimmied on a dusty pink dress. “You guys are literally the most couple-y non couple I’ve ever met.”

Before Clarke could argue against that (she couldn’t), Octavia’s laugh came ringing in from outside the stall.

“It’s sad how true that is. Open up.” Carrying about twelve more dresses of all different shades of pink and purples and blues, she shoved them into Clarke’s arms. “I don’t understand why you two don’t just date.”

Clarke worried her lip between her teeth. “Bellamy doesn’t—he looks at me like I’m his—”

“Don’t even dare say ‘sister’ because my brother does not look at _me_ like I hung the moon and the stars and hold all of life’s secrets in my eyes.” Octavia retorted sharply. “Seriously, Clarke. We’ve established this a million times before. My brother is ridiculously in love with you, and you’re ridiculously in love with him. So what’s stopping you?”

She swallowed, focusing on undoing the ties on the next dress. She let herself imagine, not for the first time, what it would be like if she let herself admit that she was in love with Bellamy. The picture of bliss was shattered quickly, replaced by the sound of sirens, the smell of a hospital, and the sound of a casket being lowered into the ground.

She blinked, realizing that Octavia and Raven were still waiting for her to answer. Grabbing her purse, she fiddled with the handle of the changing room stall’s door. “I just can’t, okay? I can’t. I’m going to go to the bathroom. I’ll be back in a few.”

Ignoring the way Raven and Octavia were furiously whispering to each other—‘ _I told you we should just let them figure it out by themselves’ ‘Yeah, well, I don’t want my big brother to be eighty years old and still pining over his not-girlfriend girlfriend’—_ Clarke made her way to the bathroom and out of habit, called Bellamy.

“What’s up, Princess?”

 “Dress shopping with Octavia. I never knew there were so many different shades of purple in my life.”

“Says the artist.”

She rolled her eyes. “That’s different. What’s up with you?”

“Same old, same old. Went for a run, graded papers, met up with Gina for lunch, bought dog food for Castor and Pollux—”

“Wait, Gina? The bartender from Arkadia?”

The line was suspiciously silent. “Uh, yeah.”

Clarke felt nauseous. She leaned against the counter of the bathroom sink, putting a hand up to her forehead. Was it hot in here? “I didn’t know you were dating anyone. Why didn’t you tell me?”

She mentally groaned. Did she sound jealous? She wasn’t jealous. Gina was pretty, wickedly smart, and charismatic. A perfect match for Bellamy.

“I—I didn’t think you’d care?” He replied, cautious. “Octavia told me I needed a date for the wedding, so I figured why not Gina?”

 _Why not me?_ Clarke’s ever-so-helpful subconscious supplied. She cleared her throat, voice chipper. “Well that’s awesome, congratulations! I have about twenty more dresses to try on, so I’ll talk to you later!”

“Wait, Clarke—”

She hung up. After taking a deep breath and giving herself the ‘You will not cry’ speech to herself in the mirror, she made her way back to the dressing room.

Raven was sitting (her leg still hurt if she stood on it too long, not that she’d ever admit it) with her arms crossed and a pout on her face. “Octavia, the only way I’m bringing a date is if you find one of Lincoln’s hot cousins to go with me. Remember Wick? I’m not doing that ever—Clarke, are you okay?”

Clarke forced a tight smile, praying that they’d believe it. “I’m fine, why would you think I’m not fine? I’m fine.”

“Let me guess.” Octavia sighed. “Bellamy told you about Gina.”

Clarke’s smile was all teeth. “I guess now you guys can finally stop believing that Bellamy and I are in love with each other.” She joked, but it sounded cold and caustic even to her own ears.

As she expected, they didn’t laugh. “So,” she sighed, picking up another dress. “Which one do I need to try on next?”

* * *

 

_A week before the wedding_

“You’re avoiding me.” Bellamy said behind her. It was starting to get colder at nights, Clarke could feel the fingertips of autumn’s chill grazing the breeze. He sat beside her on the porch, a beer in his hands.

“I’m not avoiding you.” Clarke lied, glancing at him.

 “Liar.” He tilted back the beer, his Adam’s Apple bobbing up and down. Clarke looked away.

She drank her own, a little too quickly. “Where’s Gina?”

He gestured behind him. “Inside, arguing with Monty and Jasper about whose moonshine recipe is better.” Shaking his head, he smiled, and the obvious fondness in it made her grit her teeth.

Clarke knew it was petty, but she couldn’t help herself. Drinking made her mean. “Isn’t she going to wonder why you’re out here with me inside of in there with her?”

Bellamy sighed. “What’s your problem, Clarke? I thought you liked Gina.”

 _I do like Gina. Just not when her lips are attached to yours._ “I do like Gina.”

“Really. Then why have you cancelled literally every time we invite you to dinner at our place?”

She cringed. _‘Our place’_. “Because I don’t do ‘dinner’.” She tipped her beer back again. “And neither do you, by the way.” She added under her breath. She can’t remember a single time her and Bellamy ever sat down and had ‘dinner’, one with properly placed utensils and fancy napkins and expensive wine glasses. Clarke had had enough of those ‘dinners’ to last a lifetime while living with Abby, and she _knew_ Bellamy hated stuff like that.

“Clarke,” he started, voice tired, “You’re my best friend and I miss you like hell. And I hate that you’re avoiding me and I hate that I don’t know why. If it’s Gina, please, just _tell me_. I—I know I shouldn’t say this, but,” he bit his lip, “you mean more to me. I’ll end things with her if—”

“ _No.”_ She breathed, closing her eyes. She was being so _selfish_ and she hated herself for it. Bellamy deserved to be happy. He deserved someone who give all of their heart to him, and that wasn’t Clarke. Exhaling, she smiled and looked over at him. “I’m sorry. Just give me some time, okay? I just need to process that you and I aren’t going to be best friends forever.”

His eyebrows furrowed. “What do you mean?”

“I mean, just because you’re my best friend doesn’t mean we’ll always be together. Don’t you get it?” Her eyes were welling up. “You have Gina now, and that means no more crashing on your couch on the weekends or chocolate chip pancakes in the morning or calling you after a rough day or making fun of you for watching another historical documentary.”

“Clarke—”

“No, Bellamy. Let me finish.” She took a shaky breath. “I’m sorry, okay? I—it’s just that you’re my best friend in the entire world and sometimes I feel like I’m losing you.” She laughed, but there was no humor in it, and took another drink. “I’m being dramatic. I just need to get over myself.”

He put a hand on her shoulder, the most they’d touched in weeks. “You’re never going to lose me, Clarke. I’ll always be here. I promise.”

“Don’t. You don’t get to promise me that.” She wasn’t even trying to hold back the tears now. “My dad promised me that. Wells promised me that. Finn. Lexa. So don’t you even dare try to promise—” Her voice broke.

He pulled her into his side, arm around her shoulders. It just made Clarke cry harder. He smelled like _home,_ he _felt_ like home, and she could hardly take it. Pushing him away, she stood up and wiped her eyes. “Tell Octavia I’m sorry I left without telling her goodbye. I know she hates that.”

His eyes were trained on the sidewalk. He just gave a short nod, knuckles tight around the bottle in his hands.

Clarke got in her car and left. As she pulled out of the driveway and into the street, Bellamy was still on the porch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I'm guessing this will be maybe one more chapter, I don't want to drag this out or have it be too long haha.
> 
> Thank you so much to those who left kudos/comments! You guys are awesome. This isn't the greatest thing I've ever written, but I'm trying to start writing again and any feedback is much appreciated. <3
> 
> Also sorry if there are mistakes, I didn't proofread bc I'm trying to not be such a perfectionist lmaoooo.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm thinking this will be a few chapters long. As always comments/kudos/feedback are appreciated <3 
> 
> I'm writing this because I love pain and suffering and because typically in modern au's Finn is a douchebag ex and Lexa is a backstabbing ex. I wanted to write a modern au where instead of that, they're dead like they are in the show haha. I probably shouldn't be laughing. 
> 
> Anyways. Hope you enjoyed it. I'll hopefully be posting more soon. 
> 
> (Also two bamboo stalks is a symbol of love. But surely Bellamy doesn't know that) ;)


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